When my mom has company over it’s a big ordeal. Not so much when the guests are there, but before they even show up. She insists that everything be perfect and spotlessly clean. She’ll spend days clearing out the fridge, shampooing the carpet, and removing any dust that may have accumulated since the last time she cleaned. Everything must be in its place, and all signs of life and use of the house are removed. It doesn’t matter to her if it’s something you use every day, if it doesn’t look nice it’s shoved down into a drawer; hidden away until the guests leave.
What’s sad is that this was a common experience for me growing up in church. Church wasn’t a place to come as you are (a redeemed sinner), but a place to put on your best clothes, your smiley face, and pretend that God has made your life perfect. Before going to church we put away any unsightly emotions or doubts, making sure that any life struggles too ugly to admit were shoved in a drawer until we got home.
My mom obsessively cleans her house for the same reason most Christians make sure their lives appear spotless before coming to church: they fear judgment. Everyone wants to be admired and looked up to. We want respect and recognition for our accomplishments. Church becomes a beauty contest, instead of a safe place where ugly and broken people can come to find refuge.
We perpetuate the cycle ourselves. Jesus said, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2). If you judge others by a certain criteria, you’re most likely going to hold yourself to the same standard; judging yourself. You’re also more likely to think that others are judging you the same way you judge them.
For the many times the Bible talks about not judging others, it’s amazing how much the Church has become known for its hypocrisy and judgmental attitudes. Are we trying to show that God can cure any of life’s problems? Is it the good ol’ Protestant work ethic that is still influencing us? Or are we just scared that we’ll be found out, so we bring the attention to others’ faults? Whatever the reason, we as the Church have greatly tarnished our reputation.
Sure, my life is much better because I grew up in the Church. Faith in Jesus can lift a lot of burdens from a troubled soul. But I’ve been through a lot in life too, and I’m not always in the best of mood. Maybe it’s a lack of faith, or maybe I’m just human. Unfortunately I can’t share the truth in a place that claims to carry the ultimate Truth. We’re all too concerned about how others view us.
No matter how clean my mom gets her house, it’s still a home; a place where real people eat, sleep, and even relieve themselves. My parents get sick, and leave their stuff sitting around, and make messes when they eat. They don’t have a perfect life or marriage, even if they may appear that way. In the end, we’re all struggling with something. None of us are immune to trauma, mistakes, or disappointments. Our lives will never be perfect, nor will we; no matter how much we work at convincing the people around us otherwise.
I see a church where the leaders and the members can come to each other in humility and confess their sins to each other. I see a church where all can come truly as they are and find a place of peace and refuge; a place where they don’t have to fear judgment, but find true unconditional love. I see a church where the grace and love of God is real; a church that is more concerned about lifting burdens than imposing moral laws. I see a church of gentleness and acceptance; of peace and unity. I believe this is the church that Jesus established.
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